


Jumping Isn't Really That Simple (But It's Not That Difficult Either)

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gerard hates everything, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know how I wrote this, I don't know what else to tag, I don't like the title but I couldn't think of anything else, I ship this way too much, M/M, One Shot, Suicide Attempt, except Mikey, how do I tag things that aren't crack, i didn't know what to rate this, idk i'm just rambling now, if you're cool you can spot the song references, it's kinda cute actually, it's too good to be my writing, oh fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:31:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6813223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come any closer and I'll jump!" I yell at him. Frank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jumping Isn't Really That Simple (But It's Not That Difficult Either)

**Author's Note:**

> Honest to God, I don't know where this came from, but I think I like it.

"Come any closer and I'll jump!" I yell at him. _Frank_. The name tastes bitter, like battery acid, but yet, somehow sweet in my mouth. I don't like it. It confuses me. And I hate being confused. That's one thing about what I'm doing, I'm not confused about it. I know this is what I want. I have been debating it, and tonight is the night I stop being a coward. I am sure this will give me the release I want. I have no doubt. No one can stop me. I'm going to jump.

But Frank... Frank! Why?! Why did he have to ruin what I had planned so carefully?! All my hard work, gone! And for what? Frank to say goodbye? He could say it at my funeral. Talk me out of this? Not possible. He should just go. I don't want him here. I don't want him to be the last thing I see before I die. I want the water to be the last thing I see before I die. Cold and unforgiving. Just like me. I want to feel the pain, the sweet, euphoric release of death. I _long_ for it. This life is shit. Fucking awful. Nobody fucking cares whether I live or die anyway. What does it matter? What does it matter if I die? What does it matter if there is one less person like me in the world? What will anyone care? Mikey would, but... He'll be okay. He'll get over it. Everyone will. In fact, They're all better off if I'm dead and gone. So am I.

But Frank! He stands several feet in front of me. That bastard! How fucking dare he keep me from this! Something I've worked so damn hard on! Planning everything perfectly, I thought. So no one would notice I wasn't there until it was too late. I planned it so I would be dead and gone by the time anyone would have noticed I was missing. The only note I had written was for Mikey, telling him how much I love him, no matter what. Making sure to tell him it wasn't his fault. That would crush him. I can't do that. I wouldn't do that. My only hope was that Mikey wouldn't see my body. After all that's happened, I do still love my baby brother.

But then Frank had to go and fuck it all up!

"Gerard, please don't!" He was begging. It was almost laughable how pathetic he sounded. Like a child begging for something he knew he couldn't have, so hopelessly out of his reach. I decide to make him think he has a chance, "Why shouldn't I?" He looks at me incredulously. I take back what I said, I do want his face to be the last thing I see before I die. His face after I make him think I'm going to step down from the ledge, but jump instead. I'm cold. I know that, no one has to tell me. Life did it. Life, society, everything. That's why I'm the way I am. People. I blame them.

"So many reasons! Do you have any idea all the people that love you? All the people who would be crushed by your death?" I'm surprised all the bullshit coming from his mouth right now isn't choking him. He should probably see someone about that.

"That's a lie. The only person who loves me is Mikey, and even he'll get over it given a little time."

"You're such a fucking liar, Gerard! What about your mom? What about Ray? What about..." He went on. God, I am really getting tired of this. I was in the middle of something. Frank just needs to get the fuck away from me. Could he not tell when he wasn't wanted? "What about _me?!"_ He cried, snapping me out of my thoughts. "What do you think you would do to _me_ by killing yourself?!" Huh. I hadn't really thought of that. I assumed he might cry at my funeral, but nothing more. Maybe I was wrong. But he'll recover. "You'll be fine. Stop being so dramatic." I say, causing his face to flare with anger.

"Fine?! Gerard, I won't be 'fine' if you die, I'll be ruined! I won't ever be 'fine' again!" He yelled. He's acting like a child, honestly. He needs to tone the drama down a few notches.

"Yes, you will. Maybe not right after, but you will. You, along with everyone else, will be perfectly okay when I die. No one will even give it a second thought. Give me a second thought. You'll all be fine, as much as you hate the word." I roll my eyes. Frank just stares at me like I'm out of my mind. I most certainly am _not._ I make a move like I'm going to jump. I'm going to, just, I want to hear what he's going to say next. I know, that does make me sound insane.

"Gerard, no! Do you even know how full of shit you sound? I love you! I won't ever be okay again because I love you! I'm in love with you, you dumbass! Don't jump, please!" I freeze. My jaw is dropped. That... wasn't what I expected. At all. I-I-I don't even know how I feel about him. Do I love him? I-I... I just-I... "If you love me, let me go!" I scream. It's the only thing I can think of.

"I love you. If you die, I die too." He comes over next to me, walking onto the ledge. I'm still in too much shock to move. He grabs me hand and squeezes. I can barely squeeze back I'm in so much shock, and I'm so cold. Both figuratively and literally. "If you're going to jump, so am I." No! _No!_ This isn't what I want! I don't want him to jump! I'm not even sure _I_ want to jump anymore! You know how I said I hate being confused? I am right now. The only thing I know is that _I don't want him to die!_ I don't know anything else at the moment. I shake my head as fast as I can. "No!" I yell.

He sighs, relieved. I am too. He pulls me off the ledge, and into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I'm sobbing, I know that. "I'm sorry." It comes out muffled because of his jacket, and the tears, but he still hears it. "I'm so glad you're okay. Thank fuck. I-I don't know what I would have done if you-" He breaks down, crying. It's warranted, after everything that just happened. "I love you, too." He just starts crying harder. He pulls away, and I'm going to say something, until he pushes his lips against mine. I kiss him back. We stay like that, just kissing, for God knows how long.

When we finally do pull away from each other, I remember the note. _Mikey._ Oh, my God, I hope he hasn't read it. He'll be devastated. He might be reading it right now. I tell Frank about it.

"Shit. We gotta get back to your house. Make sure he's okay." He says.

I'm terrified Mikey might already think I'm dead. Could be sobbing right now thinking his brother killed himself. What an awful brother I am. I look at Frank. "It's going to be okay. I promise. We'll all be fine." But will we? I just nod along anyway. No matter what happens, Frank is going to be there with me. And that's the most comforting thing I can think of right now, so I just keep my mind on that.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: if you listen to "The Light Behind Your Eyes" while reading this it gets 90929384x sadder. Holy shit it tore me up and I wrote it.


End file.
